Active Listening
Being Present
Understanding
One of the greatest Gifts we can give another person is really listening to them.
How often do you feel truly listened to?
Have you had someone who really listen to you and then you felt heard and understood?
What was the difference, why did you feel heard and understood?
In the lifestyle of most people today, with all the stresses, it seems rare that people take the time to truly listen.
Does that mean that people feel less heard and understood?
If you are lucky you have a partner or a friend who is giving you their undivided attention when you talk.
Do you listen a 100% when your spouse, kids or friend is telling you something?
If you do, congratulations, you are one of the rare ones.
If you don’t, you are probably just as human as most people.
Why is listening important?
Here are some suggestions:
- communication.
- peace
- happiness
- cooperation
- success in relationships and business
- ……..your suggestion?
We have two ears and one mouth.
If we would communicate in that same ration we would find out that:
- people would find us interesting
- we get to know and understand people more
The levels of listening:
- hearing while thinking about other things
- hearing while thinking about what to say next
- listening with our full attention (complete focus on the other person)
- active listening (listen and say back what you heard)
- listening for how the person might be feeling
Would you agree that 1. and 2. are not very conducive to real communication?
What about 3.? Would we fully understand that person? Or is it our interpretation of what we heard?
How do we know? This is why 4. is more effective, because when we say back what we heard the other person can respond.
Asking questions about what the other person said can help to clarify what has been said for both.
Listening for the feeling can be very important when you listen to your partner, child or client( coaching and/or counselling).
Once we feel understood (and accepted) in how we feel it is easier to let it go.
I experienced feeling heard and understood after learning how to use Imago communication with my partner at the time.
An example of the effects of listening:
Someone was on a flight and the person next to them listened and asked questions, but never really talked about themselves.
The person who was listened to said that their listener was a very interesting person.
Please let me know your thoughts and feel free to share this.
About Yorinda Wanner
I love the thought of inspiring people to empower themselves to live their unlimited Potential.
I belief Life is full of Possibilities.
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I love to listen to people and I love to talk. It has taken years to improve my listening skills and try to give people the floor more. It is difficult when being a passionate person full of ideas. However, I feel more rewarded these days as in listening more, I have learned and connected with people I never thought I would have.
I agree with you, listening is important in all relationships. You cannot have a good partner or even friend if you cannot give them the time of day.
Nile recently posted..Are You Digitally Distinct?
In my opinion that is the Number 1 skill people need if they want to have and run a successful business. Very, very few people really listen to what others are saying both verbally and behind the words.
Great post.
Joyce
Joyce Penner recently posted..Sales Forget it Not me !
I love the story at the end of this article. Such an interesting observation made just from being heard!
Great article Yorinda. I have known for some time that I need to work on my listening skills. For me, I would say I have been most guilty of #2.
I think listening has become a lost art because everyone’s mind is so busy working on so many different things. But this is definitely key to setting yourself apart as different. Most people are incapable of listening because they are instead listening to their own ego too much.
Cheryl James recently posted..Putting Together Your Sales Funnel Giveaway Offer
Hi Yorinda,
Like the analogy…we have 2 ears and one mouth.. direct relationship to listening…yes, you can always see in the eyes if someone is listening to you. Thanks…look forward to reading your next post…I still need to figure out the gravator thing for my real face…rebecca
Thanks for that Yorinda. It's a great reminder. I have to admit I do a better job of listening to our distributors and prospects than I do listening to my wife. I'll work on that.
Michael
Yorinda,
Wonderful post, thank you so much. Communication and listening skills are a big part of what I teach couples in my counseling practice. I agree active listening is a wonderfully healing process. I like to add a validation stage and an empathy stage to it, which makes it even deeper.
Keep up the good work,
Adam
Hi Yorinda,
I suspect that this is an area where most of us have a way to go from an improvement perspective. I certainly feel I've improved and I'm now I'm at least aware when I've given my full attention and when I haven't. In fact I feel terrible when I know I've been distracted when I should have been listening as there's something 'important' or 'urgent' to be done. And actually, I then realise that 9 times out of 10, the other thing could and should have waited….
Hmmm. A work in progress then!
Thanks again for a thought provoking post.
Regards,
Andrew
I hear what you are saying about the levels of listening and the differences between REALLY listening and token listening. But I wonder why some people are better listeners than others. Is it genetic? If they learned this while growing up, how? Why do some people (dare I confess?) know the difference yet quickly fall into bad listening habits. Retraining comes with difficulty in this area.
Yorinda, after 49 years of marriage I have learned to listen very carefully, because if I don't I'll be hearing it again. Just kidding. Communications is 70% listening and 30% talking. I have the good fortune to be married to the best and I've taken this skill into the work arena as well.
Love this Yorinda! It is all about caring about the person you are talking to and asking questions.
I love that quote – "we have one mouth and 2 ears"! It is very rare to find people these days who truly listen. It's awful to say but I am almost surprised when you actually know someone is listening whole-heartedly.
Yorinda, It certainly feels a lot better when someone is truly listening and reflecting back to me, with interest and concern, about what I have actually said. All too often I feel half-heard, cut short, and then required to listen to long soliloquies by another person. I like the give and take of true listening and sharing, back and forth.
I like it. It really is difficult and something you have to constantly working on. The elementary school my kids go to one of the main components they are constantly graded on is active listening and doing their personal best. With today's sound bytes and 140 characters or less instant communication and video it is harder than ever to gain someone's attention; however, if you really listen to someone you have them for life.
How true… I know someone is listening to me when they don't interrupt me – I dislike that, or, when they start talking about themselves.. listening to others is important..Enter text right here!