Sep 142013
 

ShameIs Vulnerability the antidote to shame?

When we are open, transparent and vulnerable we ‘expose’ what we may hide at other times.
Shame exists because of keeping our vulnerability and other uncomfortable feelings secret.

Brené Brown wrote ‘The Gifts of Imperfection’.
She is also known for The TED Talk “The Power of Vulnerability” which you can find on my post ‘Authentic Marketing’

In the video below Brené says the “Vulnerability is our most accurate measurement of courage.” and
“Vulnerability is the birth place of Innovation, Creativity and Change.”

Do you know the difference between guilt and shame? Watch the video to find out!

A while back I was processing some of my own vulnerability and shame and I wrote a poem which you can find below the video.
I feel very vulnerable sharing this poem on a public post.

Brené Brown: Listening to shame

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Shame

Feeling to blame

Shame

Feeling ashamed

Stumm gemacht.

(made dumb)

Shamed myself

Again and again

Scared to express

Feeling a mess

Feeling depressed.

The only choice

Was not to have a voice.

Living in a cage

Of internal suppressed rage

Of the darkness inside

From hiding my light

In the fear

That it might be too bright

And again and again

Exposing the shame.

Who is to blame?

Carrying the pain

Playing the game

Hiding in vain

Trapped in shame.

Tell the story

The end of shame

Expose it to the light

Face the fear

Of annihilation

Condemnation

Exposure

Exile!

No no no

It is too scary

Can’t face

The shame again.

Hide my face

My words

My feelings

Stay in the shadow

Hide it all

The good

Because it may be bad.

What is good?

What is bad?

So much confusion

Feeling crazy

From not knowing.

How to tell the difference?

Too scared to speak

To be

To move.

Numb

Dumb

Frozen.

Wanting to hide

Run

Disappear

Play dead

Feeling the shame

Either way

Or instead.

Be someone!

You are no good!

Who do you think you are?

A nobody

No good

Never get very far

Why even try

When I cause the shame?

Look at you

You are to blame

Put us to shame!

It’s not true!

Yes it is!

Shut up!

Voices from the past

Telling lies

Their way of surviving

It is all in the past.

What if I could believe

I am safe

All of me is now free to express

Whatever she wants

And she can get out of this mess.

Let go of the shame

The blame and the pain

And it is safe

To be

To have a voice

To have a choice

To be heard.

She is worthy

To have her story known

To be shown

Set free to be

To be known.

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Jul 232013
 

What does Freedom mean to you?

Dolphin-surfing-on-its-tailA lot of people think money and things will give them Freedom.
Viktor Frankl and Nelson Mandela are two men who showed us that freedom has nothing to do withworldly riches‘.
They managed to use their minds in a way that helped them survive extreme circumstance and help other people.

We all have that power, since we all have the capacity to choose our thoughts, which is probably the ultimate freedom.

Here is a List of what Freedom could mean:

  • Choosing our thoughts – consciously (instead of letting them run ‘wild’)
  • Being responsible (‘response – able‘) rather than having our old scripts/conditioning running our thoughts, feelings and reactions
  • Being free from ‘re-activeness‘ (responding instead of reacting)
  • Choosing what we want (not allowing others to manipulate us)
  • Consciously choosing how we spend our time. (when we have to do something, we can be aware that we choose to do it since we choose that outcome over the outcome of what would happen if we don’t do it)
  • Being free to enjoy this moment (or not
  • Imagining what it would be like if we had what we wanted (creating the feeling and vibration of that, which can attract it)
  • Choosing what we focus on. (Positive aspects of people and circumstances)
  • Asking for what we want. (Instead of assuming people can read our minds)
  • Being able to upgrade our expectations into preferences. (preventing disappointments)
  • Raising our abundance consciousness (appreciating what we have and what is working)
  • Accepting and loving ourselves no matter what (making it possible to be more of what we want to be)
  • Creating abundance/financial freedom (helping others to do the same, even if only by our example)
  • Being true to ourselves
  • Expressing ourselves
  • Choosing Love, Acceptance, Gratitude, Abundance and Joy
  • Choosing our thoughts
  • Choice….. Choice……Choice

You are Free ~ Paradise

by Gisele Frederich

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So, what does Freedom mean to you?

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Jan 022013
 

 

Honey Bee on a Lavender FlowerAre we appreciating bees for all the do on the planet?

The Bee Movie is a fun film for all ages.

Yes, it is animated and seems like entertainment for children.

It also addresses important issues.

“Why does his life have less value than yours?” is one of the questions asked as the woman saves the bee from being squashed.

Everything is part of the whole, an expression of Source Energy and important in the functioning of the planet.

Bee Movie‘ is a cleverly animated film with a message about the importance of bees.
The humor woven into the story included some fascinating parallels to humans and our idiosyncrasies.

How much do we take flowers, plants and trees for granted?

What about honey or any products containing honey.

Can we learn things from bees?

For more information watch

Honey bees – Natural History

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Photo Credit: Steve Johnson

You can view a trailer of the Bee Movie here.

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Feb 012012
 

Transactional analysis

We have at times different aspects of personality within ourselves.

According to Transactional Analysis(TA) we have an adult, child and critical/loving parent.

Debbie Ford in the books The Dark Side of the Light Chasers and The Shadow Effect writes about the different parts of ourselves and how to embrace and accept them all.

 

In the last few weeks I have become aware of my feelings of social ‘inaptness’.

My tendency is towards being a recluse, choosing solitude over social-get-together.

A friend invited me to her birthday party. She knows me, so she probably didn’t really expected me to turn up.

On the morning of her party I did some writing about my reluctance to go and I allowed the part of me that was anxious and uncomfortable to really express itself and gave myself permission not to go.

After finishing my conversation with myself on paper, I thought that I would not go. To my surprise a little while later I found myself thinking about preparing for the trip to her place. I actually did feel like going. And I did and had a good time.

Had I listened to my impatient self only and ‘pushed’ myself to go, I would have taken all that anxiety and uncomfortable feeling with me and I am sure it would have affected the whole experience and those around me. I know, because I did it in the past.

My Impatient Self has a valuable contribution to make.

My impatient self:

  • Knows what I am capable off and want me to get on with it
  • Is solution orientated and sees what could be possible
  • Wants the best for me
  • Remembers everything I have learned that can be helpful to move on

It knows:

  • That I am not my scared, ashamed little girl
  • That I am an adult now
  • That I am a spiritual being connected to infinite wisdom love and energy
  • That my apparent limitations are just my present perception
  • That I can change my perception

it knows that it is possible to move:

  • Out of suffering
  • Past the struggle
  • To better times
  • To feeling achievement
  • To do better

I am grateful to have my impatient self and do welcome its contribution.

I also have learned, that to constructively, effectively and efficiently move forward, I need to ‘hear’, accept, embrace and include all parts of me, otherwise there will be an undercurrent of unsettledness, disgruntledness, worry and anxiety, which will make moving feel like moving through mud. I may move, but not as easily and fast as I could.

So, if I take the time and really listen to and take all parts into consideration, until they feel settled, then that time spent will pay off, when I am ready to move, with the ease of movement, the speed and effectiveness and even enjoyment.

In meetings with people, where decisions are to be made that involves everyone, like families, it is also important, that everyone is heard and their concerns are taken into considerations.

It is sort of the same when we make individual decisions.

Debbie Ford

Marianne Williamson

Deepak Chopra

The Shadow Effect

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More on Transactional Analysis

A Joke : “The sooner you fall behind, the more time you’ll have to catch up”

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Dec 012011
 

PlayIs the time we play as adults just for fun or waste of time?

What happens if we did not get enough play when we were children, did it affect our development?

These are the questions Stuart Brown and Christopher Vaughan explore in the book:
“Play How it shapes the Brain, Opens the Imagination, and Invigorates the Soul”

One of the examples in the book, relating to business, is on page 131 to 132 about how Andrew Grove and Gordon more solved a problem for Intel when Japan came up with a much cheaper memory chip. They realized that if they would not find a solution they would be fired. So they pretended to fire themselves walked out of the office and then walked in as the better and smarter executives that would replace them.As a result of this they led the company into designing and creating microprocessors.

According to Stuart Brown:

  • We are designed to play throughout of our lifetime.
  • Play is keeping minds and brains flexible enough for the changes and challenges in life.
  • The Opposite of play is not work it is depression

Video about Play:

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Here are some links to make it easier to explore this subject of play:
Read the first chapter in the book Play how it shapes the Brain, Opens the Imagination and Invigorates the Soul

National Institute for Play

Stuart Brown Website

Stuart Brown’s Blog

Reasearch on:
Playing Tetris reduces flashbacks after witnessing traumatic events

The Book Stuart Brown mentions in the Video: Rules of the Red Rubber Ball by Kevin Carroll

What is it your Play history?

P.S. No affiliate links have been used in this post.

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Oct 302011
 

Beach painting on wall with window“Follow effective action with quiet reflection. From the quiet reflection will come even more effective action.” Peter F. Drucker

“By three methods we may learn wisdom: first, by reflection, which is noblest; second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest.” Confucius

How much time do you get/take to be by yourself to reflect?
Maybe we don’t all need the same amount of time to spend alone to tune in, to reconnect? Do we get/take enough time and what do we do with it when we have it?

“Women need real moments of solitude and self-reflection to balance out how much of ourselves we give away.” Barbara De Angelis

Some of us may have been conditioned to see self reflection as ‘navel gazing’.
I believe that taking time out and taking ‘stock’ can increase our effectiveness and contribute to well being success and abundance and make us more efficient in using our time.

Here are some questions we could ask ourselves:

* What is true for me?
~ What do I like?
~ What do I want?
~ How do I define myself?

* What do I believe about myself?
~ What did I learn from things that didn’t work out as planned?
~ How can I derive something positive from my mistakes/failures?
~ What do I want to focus on?

* What are my positive aspects?
~ What do I appreciate about myself?
~ What are my achievements?
~ How far did I come in the last week, month, year?

* How far do I want to ‘look’ into the future, plan, set goals?
~ Do I want to set goals?
~ What are my fears around setting goals?

* What is on my plate, in the fridge in the freezer?
~ Do I need more or less on my plate?
~ If I went at my own pace what would I do/not do?

* What am I good at?
~ Do I want to get better at what I am not good at?
~ Could I delegate what I am not good at?
~ What would my day look like at the end of the day if I felt good about it?

* How do I feel?
~ Where do those feelings come from?
~ What were my thoughts before I had those feelings?
~ What past/childhood experiences may be related to those feelings?

* Do I allow myself to trust the process?
~ Do I believe it is all unfolding perfectly?
~ Even if I don’t answer any of those questions?

How to feel good about ourselves by Abraham-Hicks

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Journaling is a great way to reflect. Click here for more about Journaling on Oprah.com

What is your favourite way to spend time in self reflection?
Do you do it on a regular daily basis?

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Oct 012011
 

Beach with Coromandel in the distanceIn this busy lifestyle of modern civilisation a lot of people don’t seem to find the time
to take time out for their well being and to restore positivity.
We are always doing the best we can at any given time.
We don’t get up in the morning and say “I am going to be deliberately lazy today and sabotage myself.”

If we are feeling a lack of energy it is usually a sign that we need to take care of ourselves and re-align.
Even if it means doing nothing.

Elizabeth Gilbert, Author of “Eat, Pray and Love” found out about the ‘art of doing nothing’ from Italians.
Apparently they practice that art on a daily basis (i.e. go home for lunch and make love).

An Article about ‘The Art of doing Nothing has some great tips.

We all need time out to recharge our batteries and not just at night when we are sleeping.

How many people allow themselves to have that time out?

There is the ‘too busy’, ‘got to get things done’, etc. Attitude,
which keeps most of us slugging away at it.

Why? Because we are afraid that if we don’t, things will fall apart.
A lot of times it is the people who fall apart, they get sick, have accidents, divorces, heart attacks etc.

Trusting the process is usually not something we learn at school.

Yet, if we would trust the process and listen to our bodies, our energy levels and
take the time out at the first inkling, our even better on a daily basis, we would function so much better.

Even if it is only 10 to 15 minutes.
It is all unfolding perfectly.

Try it now with this very relaxing video taking you into nature(by jankovarik).
Best watched on Full screen (click on the bottom right hand corner)

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I like Wellness Days.
I used to let my kids stay home for Wellness days, rather than have them home sick.
Amy Wong wrote an post on Wellness days

Here is a quote I got in my email:
“Some things you’re not letting happen right now because the timing isn’t perfect for you. Some you’re not letting happen because you are very aware of where you are. But all things, as they are happening, are happening in perfect order. And if you will relax and begin saying, “Everything in its perfect time. Everything is unfolding. And I’m enjoying where I am now, in relationship to where I’m going. Content where I am, and eager for more,” that is the perfect vibrational stance. “Abraham-Hicks

It is all unfolding perfectly.

What is your way of taking time out?
How do you look after your well being?
What do you do to restore your positivity?

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Oct 012011
 

Magenta Rose LoveThere are many teachings on forgiveness and possibly many layers.
Forgiveness was one of the teachings of Jesus. He recommended to forgive 7 x 70.
26 years ago I wrote “I forgive … completely” 490 times and in regards to my mother I wrote it more than a thousand times. Even though I never told her about it our relationship seemed a bit easier.

“Resentment is taking poison and expecting the other person to die.” Unknown Author

Gerald Jampolsky (Attitudinal Healing) wrote “Goodbye to Guilt – Realising Fear through Forgiveness” and reading it helped me a lot to let go of guilt and blame.
Each book, course and counselling session since then has helped me to function better as a mother and a human being. My spiritual connection grew over the years gradually restoring hope and trust.

Through a Course “Resolve (Clearing Anger)” I have gained more understanding on the forgiveness process. (The two leaders of the course had to have 400 hours of counselling clients before being able to train for this course) “Forgive for Good” is a book by Fred Luskin that part of this course is based on.

I realised that I had gone straight to trying to understand why the other person did what they did.
I had not allowed myself to look at what was taken from me and feel the feelings, what the depth of the injury was and I definitely had not allowed myself to feel anger. Anger was way too scary.
I learned that without allowing myself to feel anger and express it (constructively) there can be no true forgiveness.
Through the Resolve course I got in touch with another layer of feelings and hints of anger and the counselling sessions which I did in conjunction with this course helped me to process more feelings, which I had cleverly buried and hidden from myself.

I now know that depression is anger turned inwards.

For the graduation we had to write a hero story which included our childhood injury and how it affected us and how this course has helped.
I wrote a poem, which I read out loud standing in front of the group. It was a freeing experience to express myself and my feelings.

To read my poem click on ‘Continue reading Continue reading »

Jul 242011
 

Authenticity can have many definitions.

 

Sunrise bird on wireIn the book Gifts of Imperfection by Dr. Brené Brown is one that I feel good about:

“Authenticity is the daily practice of
letting go of who we think we are supposed to be and Sunrise  no bird on wire
embracing who we are.”

Here is some of what it means to me:

  • tuning into me and do what I real want to do
  • to say yes when I want to say yes
  • to say no when I want to say no

Just like my own feelings are my responsibility I like to leave other people to be responsible for their feelings.
(Response – ability : Choosing how we respond to what happens)

I would want people to say yes or no when it is right for them.

There is no point in pleasing other people against my inner judgement and

I would not want other people pleasing me against their inner judgement, at the expense of feeling good.

What does all this have to do with Marketing?

A lot of marketing involves persuasion and even manipulation, especially when it comes to advertisements.

People are made to believe they need something, save money, that they feel better if they buy a certain product.

This has never sat right with me.
Even the “art of natural selling“, where you ask a lot of questions,

directed to ‘get’ the customer to come to the conclusion (selling it to themselves),
that they want what you have to offer, felt covert/underhanded to me.

‘Attraction marketing‘ felt much better to me, because it makes information available online and
those who are interested can get more information by getting in touch with the author of the post and then make an informed choice.

The other aspect of ‘attraction marketing’, which I believe is even more crucial, since here is where
the ‘Law of Attraction’ comes into play, is
that I will, depending on my beliefs, feelings and thoughts (vibrations) attract customers, business partners and therefore abundance to us.

 

Here is a short Video with Dr. Brené Brown

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You can check out and/or buy Brené Brown’s book here (affiliate link).

 

Can you spot the difference between the two photos at the top of this Post?

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How to persevere when your old habits want to take over
Have you ever started something new that felt reallypromising in regards to getting you were you want to go; like creating more income and then a few days later or some time down the track
¨ you couldn’t be bothered,
¨ found excuses why not do it,
¨ found other more ‘important’ things to do?

Well the good news is almost everyone has been there, you are not alone?
Phew, that’s a relief! That’s how I felt when I found out I wasn’t weird.

So, a good place to start is to look at is:
Why did we start in the first place?
When we focus on why we want something, we are allowing the Law of Attraction to manifest our desire.
The answers to why for me were/are:
• I want to feel good
• I want to improve my circumstance
• I want the freedom to do what I want when I want
• I want to make a contribution
• I want to be of service to others
What are your Whys?
Now that we reminded ourselves why we started this, how about imagining what it would feel like if we achieved those feelings.
Of course one could use the deadline, time pressure, crack the whip attitude. That seemed to work for me if it was one ‘imposed’ on me. Setting my own deadlines doesn’t seem to work that well, it may do for you.
How about pretending you are playing a game, like the SIMS and you are the main character. That would add some fun to what may seem like work?
If you like to write a journal, which is my favorite, you could write a story about how you would like the project to play out.
Focusing on the positive aspects of the ‘work’/’project’ is another good way to feel better about it and increase the level of motivation towards persevering.
Have you scheduled days off? A break can bring in new enthusiasm.
Does your work allow variety, so you could alternate what you are doing?
Could you see your ‘work’ as enjoyable or even fun, loving what you do and doing what you love?
Wouldn’t it be nice if you could create more abundance, success and well being and have fun at the same time.
Another way may be to say: “I am going to have a play with…..” instead of “I am going to work on..”
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Have you ever started something new that felt reallypromising in regards to getting you were you want to go; like creating more income and then a few days later or some time down the track

¨ you couldn’t be bothered,

¨ found excuses why not do it,

¨ found other more ‘important’ things to do?

 

Well the good news is almost everyone has been there, you are not alone?

Phew, that’s a relief! That’s how I felt when I found out I wasn’t weird.

 

So, a good place to start is to look at is:

Why did we start in the first place?

When we focus on why we want something, we are allowing the Law of Attraction to manifest our desire.

The answers to why for me were/are:

  • I want to feel good
  • I want to improve my circumstance
  • I want the freedom to do what I want when I want
  • I want to make a contribution
  • I want to be of service to others

What are your Whys?

Now that we reminded ourselves why we started this, how about imagining what it would feel like if we achieved those feelings.

Of course one could use the deadline, time pressure, crack the whip attitude. That seemed to work for me if it was one ‘imposed’ on me. Setting my own deadlines doesn’t seem to work that well, it may do for you.

How about pretending you are playing a game, like the SIMS and you are the main character. That would add some fun to what may seem like work?

If you like to write a journal, which is my favorite, you could write a story about how you would like the project to play out.

Focusing on the positive aspects of the ‘work’/’project’ is another good way to feel better about it and increase the level of motivation towards persevering.

Have you scheduled days off? A break can bring in new enthusiasm.

Does your work allow variety, so you could alternate what you are doing?

Could you see your ‘work’ as enjoyable or even fun, loving what you do and doing what you love?

Wouldn’t it be nice if you could create more abundance, success and well being and have fun at the same time.

Another way may be to say: “I am going to have a play with…..” instead of “I am going to work on..”

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