Last week I finished another 8 week Resolve Course lead by 2 Counselors (who had to have at least 400 client sessions before training for this course) .
For the last session we had to stand in front of the group and share our Hero Story, which is about where we come from and how the course has brought healing to our life.
My Hero Story includes a letter of re-assurance to my little girl.
This is my story:
Inside of me is a little girl that has lived with the fear of being abandoned, being given away to strangers, not knowing what will happen next. She had four sets of foster parents, with her parents in between, until her parents had a stable home when she was seven years old.
Her parents looked after her physically, but she was criticized lots with no balance of praise or affection. She got severely beaten for being late, for swearing once and for failing the final math test at 18.
Her fears easily get triggered, she has lived in anxiety all her life, tried her best to be a good girl, but never felt she was good enough.
She now has me, the adult Yorinda, who is learning to be a mummy and daddy for her and allow her to express her feelings and reassure her and give her what she needs.
I am glad that I could bring here to this group.
Last Thursday morning I processed – again – something that happened in May this year and it brought up the unfairness with which she was treated. Writing about it helped my little girl to express her feelings, especially feeling too scared, to stand up for herself, not having the right to be heard.
I like to share what I wrote to acknowledge her feelings and to reassure her.
This is my letter to my little girl:
You should have been treated better. They had no right to treat you like that, to oppress you. It was wrong, horrible.
They broke you, like a horse, they broke your spirit – not your spirit, nobody can break that, but the part of you that was you, the precious unique expression.
They through mud on your diamond, they didn’t allow you to shine.
You have such a precious light, such a unique expression and it deserves to be seen. All parts of you are welcome here.
It was a lie that only the ‘good’ parts of you are lovable and that you deserved a beating for being late, swearing once and failing the math test.
You deserve to be loved, you deserve to express yourself, all of you. You have a right to be here and to be loved even when you make mistakes.
You deserve praise, well done, ooohs and aaahs for your efforts even though they don’t hit the mark of what society expects.
All of your efforts deserve to be acknowledged.
You have a right to express, voice your side of the story, to be heard, to be taken into consideration.
You have a right to ask for your story to be heard, your perspective to be seen, your feelings to be expressed.
You have a right to stand up for yourself and express what you think, believe in and what you feel.
You have a right to set boundaries, to say no, to question, to bring things out in the open.
You have a right to be treated fairly, to have your share, to ask for what you want.
You deserve to stand up and be counted.
You are a unique expression of the divine and you deserve to be here.
You are welcome.
You are a treasure, a gift.
Your unique expression is a valuable contribution to humanity.
I will do my very best to make sure that you will be safe and protected and I will take a stand for you when needed, stand by you, hold your hand and make sure that you are fairly treated when possible.
The Resolve Course/Group has given me a place to be heard, to express myself/my feelings, to have a voice, and to feel welcomed and accepted when I do so.
The Validation of my losses has had a profound effect on my ability to feel my feelings.
Hearing other people’s stories and feelings has helped me to welcome my own, feel acceptable and ok.
It also helped me to feel more, understand more and have more compassion for the journey I am on and the journey of others – the emergeneering process.
I am coping so much better when I feel that I am not coping.
Thank you, Facilitators, for providing this safe space, your guidance, wisdom and skills.
Thank you, each one of you, who has contribute to the process of feeling and healing.
Life experiences have a way of activating what is unresolved and I really appreciate (I may not like it though) when things come to the surface.
If you want more insight into my journey of emotional healing you can visit my other blog.
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