Nov 032013
 

It's all done for meIt is all done ‘for us’!

What do you mean?

Have you ever heard people say ‘Why did you do this ‘to me’?’

Recently I learned from Panache Desai (link below) that instead of thinking that they have ‘done it to me’ I could look at it from a different perspective as in that ‘they have ‘done it for me’.

When we move from a victim consciousness where we believe that things are ‘done to us’ to a creator consciousness, our awareness changes to that it is ‘done for us’.

Everything that happens can be used as a spring-board for greater awareness.

We can become aware of

  • our interpretation
  • our perspective
  • of the meaning we gave it
  • the belief system we have had
  • the conditioning of our thoughts
  • the neural pathways we have formed

We are so used to ‘slipping into these neural pathways so easily since they are ‘so well trodden’ that they have become wide highways of ever so self righteous indignation.

Every feeling has a thought from which it originated.

Have we stopped long enough to find that thought and question it?
Have we asked ourselves: ‘Does this thought serve my well being?
Is there another thought I could, would want to think instead?

So, when we think something ‘is done to me’ we can use it to explore, question, become aware and more empowered.
We can then see that it is actually ‘done for me’, giving us the opportunity to create new ‘pathways’, which produce well being, create freedom and abundance. Yes, this does take time initially, but eventually it will mean that we have more time since we are not bogged down with dreadful feelings produced by limited thinking.

Taking the time to venture into transforming the ‘to me’ into ‘for me’ sets free energy, allows more well being and abundance and empowers us and leads to more freedom.

Watch this video ‘Find Gratitude in Tough Times ‘
with Panache Desai and Oprah
on Super Soul Sunday

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Click here to find out more about Panache Desai (not an affiliate link)

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Sep 142013
 

ShameIs Vulnerability the antidote to shame?

When we are open, transparent and vulnerable we ‘expose’ what we may hide at other times.
Shame exists because of keeping our vulnerability and other uncomfortable feelings secret.

Brené Brown wrote ‘The Gifts of Imperfection’.
She is also known for The TED Talk “The Power of Vulnerability” which you can find on my post ‘Authentic Marketing’

In the video below Brené says the “Vulnerability is our most accurate measurement of courage.” and
“Vulnerability is the birth place of Innovation, Creativity and Change.”

Do you know the difference between guilt and shame? Watch the video to find out!

A while back I was processing some of my own vulnerability and shame and I wrote a poem which you can find below the video.
I feel very vulnerable sharing this poem on a public post.

Brené Brown: Listening to shame

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Shame

Feeling to blame

Shame

Feeling ashamed

Stumm gemacht.

(made dumb)

Shamed myself

Again and again

Scared to express

Feeling a mess

Feeling depressed.

The only choice

Was not to have a voice.

Living in a cage

Of internal suppressed rage

Of the darkness inside

From hiding my light

In the fear

That it might be too bright

And again and again

Exposing the shame.

Who is to blame?

Carrying the pain

Playing the game

Hiding in vain

Trapped in shame.

Tell the story

The end of shame

Expose it to the light

Face the fear

Of annihilation

Condemnation

Exposure

Exile!

No no no

It is too scary

Can’t face

The shame again.

Hide my face

My words

My feelings

Stay in the shadow

Hide it all

The good

Because it may be bad.

What is good?

What is bad?

So much confusion

Feeling crazy

From not knowing.

How to tell the difference?

Too scared to speak

To be

To move.

Numb

Dumb

Frozen.

Wanting to hide

Run

Disappear

Play dead

Feeling the shame

Either way

Or instead.

Be someone!

You are no good!

Who do you think you are?

A nobody

No good

Never get very far

Why even try

When I cause the shame?

Look at you

You are to blame

Put us to shame!

It’s not true!

Yes it is!

Shut up!

Voices from the past

Telling lies

Their way of surviving

It is all in the past.

What if I could believe

I am safe

All of me is now free to express

Whatever she wants

And she can get out of this mess.

Let go of the shame

The blame and the pain

And it is safe

To be

To have a voice

To have a choice

To be heard.

She is worthy

To have her story known

To be shown

Set free to be

To be known.

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Jan 282013
 

What is the Limbic Lag?

It is what happens when we want to do something and something is holding back.

BrainThe  two parts of our brain that this post will address are the lymbic system and the neo-cortex

The Limbic system is fully developed at birth, it tags experiences with emotions. When it is bad it will avoid it, if it is good it wants more. It sustains life and it adjusts its settings to what is safe.

It can be (re-)programmed through experience but not through knowledge, acceptance, being listened to, being loved.

The Neo-cortex is not fully functioning at birth it develops from age 5 to the mid twenties. It is the logic mind.

When the emotional and logic mind are both developed and ‘speak the same language’ we have the wise mind.

Changing our mind/attitude does not have lasting effects if it is not combined with the reprogramming of our limbic system.

Experiencing love and acceptance helps that change.

I.e. when we had a good experience and we talk about it, write about it, relive it and we feel love and acceptance doing so from ourselves and others it contributes to the reprogramming(the new neural pathway gets reinforced, bigger)

If we are under threat emotionally the logic shuts down. Our emotions trump logic when the fight/flight, freeze response is triggered.

When we are confronted with the pain and discomfort we end up staying in our comfortzone of being trapped in our small ‘safe’ world and we are unable to tap into the endless possibilities.

We react in old familiar ways with coping mechanisms in order to adapt and survive.

We experience feelings and are unaware of whether they are related to the past or present. We can be caught up in a distorted belief system or we may shut down to the point of not being able to think even to the point of not being able to remember our own name.

When we were little we started to develop ways/habits to protect ourselves like rage, aggression, hypervigilance, submission and automatic obedience.

We may be unable to set boundaries.

These coping mechanisms provided a way to either avoid or soothe uncomfortable stress symptoms.

We can learn to be aware and to consciously respond and adapt and not only survive but strive.

This awareness means being conscious of our feelings, images and thoughts which then results in being able to chose better/healthier ways to interact with ourselves, others, the world and beyond.

We can stay present in the feeling (pain, discomfort) and the logic will kick back in again.

We can be connected with our feelings and thinking which tunes us into our wise mind.

The result of living with awareness is the ability to tap into endless possibilities and live a life with purpose.

Instead of being trapped in our small world, our comfortzone, by fully experiencing the pain and discomfort, being conscious and aware and we are then having access to the expansion of endless possibilities.

We can observe our feelings in a compassionate way, just be with them, feeling them in our body without judgement or analyzing.

Accept the feeling, allow them, let them be, feel them in your body. How big is it? How strong?

Avoiding the pain is immediate gratification.

‘Pushing’ through the pain leads to a life with purpose where we have something to offer the world.

The basic steps suggested in the book  ‘The Tools‘ by Phil Stutz and Barry Michels to

“Activate a force more powerful than the desire to avoid pain are:

1. Stand in your comfortzone and say “Bring it on.

2. I love pain – moving through

3. Pain sets me free!”

Read the Blog for ‘The Tools’ on Psychology today at http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-tools

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Jan 142013
 

Imagine LoveIn the book “The Storm before the Calm” by Neale Donald Walsch is a chapter with the Heading “Can you believe What we could believe, if we simply chose to?”

Contemplating this chapter I wrote this in my journal:

“I have believed what the chapter talks about for a long time.

Have I really believed it?

I wanted to believe it, it felt right in my gut, it makes sense and I’d rather believe that than the other limiting stuff … and yet I feel the old conditioning underneath trying to surface.

At times I seem to almost automatically slip into the old neural pathway, which my clever brain, meaning oh so well – trying to keep me ‘safe’, stops from overgrowing by pouring acid on it. And before I know it, the old fears are having a party in my head.

I am so glad that I do become aware of it sooner than I used to and consciously direct my thinking into the new neural pathway that seems like a little track through the bush, wondering if I am going the right way.

I have done it before and came out at this beautiful secluded beach only a few people knew about, where there is peace and the water is crystal clear. The sand is white and treasures of beautiful shells and pebbles are waiting for me.

I know I can just enjoy it all because I can come back here, all I need to take with me is the knowledge, that it exists.

I feel refreshed, rejuvenated, uplifted and inspired.

I know I can take the feeling with me and have it in my life always and see the treasures all around me and be at peace no matter what.”

Choosing consciously what we think/believe takes practice.

Reading books like the one I mentioned helps to consciously choose.

The following are some of the things Neale Donald Walsh suggests to imagine in his book:

“With apologies and an honoring of John Lennon”

Imagine…personal relationships with all others that are no longer need-based, but emerge more profoundly from an experience of personal fulfillment, personal power, and the personal expression of the highest thought about yourself and others that resides within everyone?”

Imagine… a career and work that feels more like joy and the celebration of the highest and best within you, and the happiest experience of Who You Are?” N.D.Walsch

There is a whole page of ‘Imagine ….’ in the book, which is very inspiring and uplifting.

Throughout the book the reader is encouraged to join the conversation on the blog where you can read Chapter 1 & 2 of The Storm before the Calm.

Image what life could be like when we choose to believe in love. Write a new cultural story.

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Sep 172012
 


Last week I finished another 8 week Resolve Course lead by 2 Counselors (who had to have at least 400 client sessions before training for this course) .

For the last session we had to stand in front of the group and share our Hero Story, which is about where we come from and how the course has brought healing to our life.

My Hero Story includes a letter of re-assurance to my little girl.

~~~~

This is my story:

 

Jorinde little girlInside of me is a little girl that has lived with the fear of being abandoned, being given away to strangers, not knowing what will happen next. She had four sets of foster parents, with her parents in between, until her parents had a stable home when she was seven years old.

Her parents looked after her physically, but she was criticized lots with no balance of praise or affection. She got severely beaten for being late, for swearing once and for failing the final math test at 18.

Her fears easily get triggered, she has lived in anxiety all her life, tried her best to be a good girl, but never felt she was good enough.

She now has me, the adult Yorinda, who is learning to be a mummy and daddy for her and allow her to express her feelings and reassure her and give her what she needs.

I am glad that I could bring here to this group.

Last Thursday morning I processed – again – something that happened in May this year and it brought up the unfairness with which she was treated. Writing about it helped my little girl to express her feelings, especially feeling too scared, to stand up for herself, not having the right to be heard.

I like to share what I wrote to acknowledge her feelings and to reassure her.

This is my letter to my little girl:

You should have been treated better. They had no right to treat you like that, to oppress you. It was wrong, horrible.

They broke you, like a horse, they broke your spirit – not your spirit, nobody can break that, but the part of you that was you, the precious unique expression.

They through mud on your diamond, they didn’t allow you to shine.

You have such a precious light, such a unique expression and it deserves to be seen. All parts of you are welcome here.

It was a lie that only the ‘good’ parts of you are lovable and that you deserved a beating for being late, swearing once and failing the math test.

You deserve to be loved, you deserve to express yourself, all of you. You have a right to be here and to be loved even when you make mistakes.

You deserve praise, well done, ooohs and aaahs for your efforts even though they don’t hit the mark of what society expects.

All of your efforts deserve to be acknowledged.

You have a right to express, voice your side of the story, to be heard, to be taken into consideration.

You have a right to ask for your story to be heard, your perspective to be seen, your feelings to be expressed.

You have a right to stand up for yourself and express what you think, believe in and what you feel.

You have a right to set boundaries, to say no, to question, to bring things out in the open.

You have a right to be treated fairly, to have your share, to ask for what you want.

You deserve to stand up and be counted.

You are a unique expression of the divine and you deserve to be here.

You are welcome.

You are a treasure, a gift.

Your unique expression is a valuable contribution to humanity.

I will do my very best to make sure that you will be safe and protected and I will take a stand for you when needed, stand by you, hold your hand and make sure that you are fairly treated when possible.

~~~~

The Resolve Course/Group has given me a place to be heard, to express myself/my feelings, to have a voice, and to feel welcomed and accepted when I do so.

The Validation of my losses has had a profound effect on my ability to feel my feelings.

Hearing other people’s stories and feelings has helped me to welcome my own, feel acceptable and ok.

It also helped me to feel more, understand more and have more compassion for the journey I am on and the journey of others – the emergeneering process.

I am coping so much better when I feel that I am not coping.

Thank you, Facilitators, for providing this safe space, your guidance, wisdom and skills.

Thank you, each one of you, who has contribute to the process of feeling and healing.

~~~~

Life experiences have a way of activating what is unresolved and I really appreciate (I may not like it though) when things come to the surface.

If you want more insight into my journey of emotional healing you can visit my other blog.

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Apr 092012
 

Are Humans Empathetic?

Apparently we have something like ‘Mirror Cells‘ in our brain which causes us to Brain regionsfeel what we see or hear other people are going through.

In the video below Jeremy Rifkin talks about how the human race has developed towards experiencing Empathy.

He addresses a lot of issues in this video. Food for thought and very cleverly demonstrated by drawings.

“The Race to Global Consciousness in a World of Crisis” is the subtitle to the Book:

The Empathic Civilization by Jeremy Rifkin (not an Affiliate link)

RSA Animate – The Empathic Civilisation

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For more information you can read Empathic accuracy on Wikipedia.

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Feb 152012
 

Migraine AuraMost people and even children have experienced headaches or even migraines.

What helps you when your head is aching?

There are lots of methods and which one we choose is probably right for us.

Do you think that what you believe is powerful?

Watch the Video below how a hospital in Beijing uses no medicines.

This post is about how headaches relate to attitudes.

Understanding the cause can be effective with clearing it.

Check list of Affirmations to use at the bottom of the post.

According to Annette Noontil (The Body is the Barometer of the Soul)

The attitudes related to headaches and migraines are as follows:

Headaches

Front of head, pressure

Holding on to old limitations and not seeing good in anything.

Back of head

Pressurizing yourself through impatience that you have not done enough

Migraines

Nervous headaches Back of head

Your communication to yourself that you are the one who needs to be accepted is not happening. Tell yourself you accept yourself no matter what has happened to you.

Nervous headaches front of head

Not communicating with your inner being to know yourself.

Not believing you can stand up for yourself and say what you want.

Letting others tell you what to do and not communicating to them that you dislike being told what to do.

I turned these into

Affirmations:

  • I feel more and more free to tell others that I dislike to be told what to do.
  • I am patient with myself and trust that I have done enough.
  • I let go of limitations and see the good in things.
  • I see myself and everyone as equal.
  • I allow myself to be the love that I am. I am at peace with myself.
  • More and more am I accepting myself no matter what happens to me.
  • More and more am I communicating with my Inner being to know myself.
  • I love the thought of feeling courageous enough to stand up for myself and say what I want.
  • I love the thought of feeling free to tell other that I dislike being told what to do.
  • I love the thought of standing up for myself and say what I want.
  • I am patient with myself and trust that I have done enough.
  • More and more am I letting go of limitations .
  • More and more am I seeing the positive aspects in everyone and everything.
  • More and more am I allowing myself to be the love that I am.
  • I love the thought of being at peace with myself.
  • I accept myself and say what I want.

Thoughts and Affirmations create Feelings.

Gregg Braden

“When we have a feeling in our hearts we are creating electrical and magnetic waves inside of our bodies that extend beyond our bodies into the world around us.”

Healing in less the 3 min in a medicine-less Beijing Hospital

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Other natural methods:

Sound -Endorphin Release/Headache Relief – Delta/Theta/Gamma Brainwave Synchronization Meditation

(there is free download of the audio file)

Accupressure

Herbs

Magnesium

EFT

and many more…

Photo Credit: Migraine Aura on Wikipedia

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Feb 012012
 

Transactional analysis

We have at times different aspects of personality within ourselves.

According to Transactional Analysis(TA) we have an adult, child and critical/loving parent.

Debbie Ford in the books The Dark Side of the Light Chasers and The Shadow Effect writes about the different parts of ourselves and how to embrace and accept them all.

 

In the last few weeks I have become aware of my feelings of social ‘inaptness’.

My tendency is towards being a recluse, choosing solitude over social-get-together.

A friend invited me to her birthday party. She knows me, so she probably didn’t really expected me to turn up.

On the morning of her party I did some writing about my reluctance to go and I allowed the part of me that was anxious and uncomfortable to really express itself and gave myself permission not to go.

After finishing my conversation with myself on paper, I thought that I would not go. To my surprise a little while later I found myself thinking about preparing for the trip to her place. I actually did feel like going. And I did and had a good time.

Had I listened to my impatient self only and ‘pushed’ myself to go, I would have taken all that anxiety and uncomfortable feeling with me and I am sure it would have affected the whole experience and those around me. I know, because I did it in the past.

My Impatient Self has a valuable contribution to make.

My impatient self:

  • Knows what I am capable off and want me to get on with it
  • Is solution orientated and sees what could be possible
  • Wants the best for me
  • Remembers everything I have learned that can be helpful to move on

It knows:

  • That I am not my scared, ashamed little girl
  • That I am an adult now
  • That I am a spiritual being connected to infinite wisdom love and energy
  • That my apparent limitations are just my present perception
  • That I can change my perception

it knows that it is possible to move:

  • Out of suffering
  • Past the struggle
  • To better times
  • To feeling achievement
  • To do better

I am grateful to have my impatient self and do welcome its contribution.

I also have learned, that to constructively, effectively and efficiently move forward, I need to ‘hear’, accept, embrace and include all parts of me, otherwise there will be an undercurrent of unsettledness, disgruntledness, worry and anxiety, which will make moving feel like moving through mud. I may move, but not as easily and fast as I could.

So, if I take the time and really listen to and take all parts into consideration, until they feel settled, then that time spent will pay off, when I am ready to move, with the ease of movement, the speed and effectiveness and even enjoyment.

In meetings with people, where decisions are to be made that involves everyone, like families, it is also important, that everyone is heard and their concerns are taken into considerations.

It is sort of the same when we make individual decisions.

Debbie Ford

Marianne Williamson

Deepak Chopra

The Shadow Effect

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More on Transactional Analysis

A Joke : “The sooner you fall behind, the more time you’ll have to catch up”

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Oct 302011
 

Beach painting on wall with window“Follow effective action with quiet reflection. From the quiet reflection will come even more effective action.” Peter F. Drucker

“By three methods we may learn wisdom: first, by reflection, which is noblest; second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest.” Confucius

How much time do you get/take to be by yourself to reflect?
Maybe we don’t all need the same amount of time to spend alone to tune in, to reconnect? Do we get/take enough time and what do we do with it when we have it?

“Women need real moments of solitude and self-reflection to balance out how much of ourselves we give away.” Barbara De Angelis

Some of us may have been conditioned to see self reflection as ‘navel gazing’.
I believe that taking time out and taking ‘stock’ can increase our effectiveness and contribute to well being success and abundance and make us more efficient in using our time.

Here are some questions we could ask ourselves:

* What is true for me?
~ What do I like?
~ What do I want?
~ How do I define myself?

* What do I believe about myself?
~ What did I learn from things that didn’t work out as planned?
~ How can I derive something positive from my mistakes/failures?
~ What do I want to focus on?

* What are my positive aspects?
~ What do I appreciate about myself?
~ What are my achievements?
~ How far did I come in the last week, month, year?

* How far do I want to ‘look’ into the future, plan, set goals?
~ Do I want to set goals?
~ What are my fears around setting goals?

* What is on my plate, in the fridge in the freezer?
~ Do I need more or less on my plate?
~ If I went at my own pace what would I do/not do?

* What am I good at?
~ Do I want to get better at what I am not good at?
~ Could I delegate what I am not good at?
~ What would my day look like at the end of the day if I felt good about it?

* How do I feel?
~ Where do those feelings come from?
~ What were my thoughts before I had those feelings?
~ What past/childhood experiences may be related to those feelings?

* Do I allow myself to trust the process?
~ Do I believe it is all unfolding perfectly?
~ Even if I don’t answer any of those questions?

How to feel good about ourselves by Abraham-Hicks

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Journaling is a great way to reflect. Click here for more about Journaling on Oprah.com

What is your favourite way to spend time in self reflection?
Do you do it on a regular daily basis?

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Oct 012011
 

Beach with Coromandel in the distanceIn this busy lifestyle of modern civilisation a lot of people don’t seem to find the time
to take time out for their well being and to restore positivity.
We are always doing the best we can at any given time.
We don’t get up in the morning and say “I am going to be deliberately lazy today and sabotage myself.”

If we are feeling a lack of energy it is usually a sign that we need to take care of ourselves and re-align.
Even if it means doing nothing.

Elizabeth Gilbert, Author of “Eat, Pray and Love” found out about the ‘art of doing nothing’ from Italians.
Apparently they practice that art on a daily basis (i.e. go home for lunch and make love).

An Article about ‘The Art of doing Nothing has some great tips.

We all need time out to recharge our batteries and not just at night when we are sleeping.

How many people allow themselves to have that time out?

There is the ‘too busy’, ‘got to get things done’, etc. Attitude,
which keeps most of us slugging away at it.

Why? Because we are afraid that if we don’t, things will fall apart.
A lot of times it is the people who fall apart, they get sick, have accidents, divorces, heart attacks etc.

Trusting the process is usually not something we learn at school.

Yet, if we would trust the process and listen to our bodies, our energy levels and
take the time out at the first inkling, our even better on a daily basis, we would function so much better.

Even if it is only 10 to 15 minutes.
It is all unfolding perfectly.

Try it now with this very relaxing video taking you into nature(by jankovarik).
Best watched on Full screen (click on the bottom right hand corner)

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I like Wellness Days.
I used to let my kids stay home for Wellness days, rather than have them home sick.
Amy Wong wrote an post on Wellness days

Here is a quote I got in my email:
“Some things you’re not letting happen right now because the timing isn’t perfect for you. Some you’re not letting happen because you are very aware of where you are. But all things, as they are happening, are happening in perfect order. And if you will relax and begin saying, “Everything in its perfect time. Everything is unfolding. And I’m enjoying where I am now, in relationship to where I’m going. Content where I am, and eager for more,” that is the perfect vibrational stance. “Abraham-Hicks

It is all unfolding perfectly.

What is your way of taking time out?
How do you look after your well being?
What do you do to restore your positivity?

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